Reel Insight #95: Christmas Special

In which we discuss our experience with the 25 Days of Christmas marathon. Merry Christmas!

P.S. Enjoy this episode, as we're taking the week off.

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I have now watched this film in its entirety 3 times this holiday season alone.  I honestly don't think I could go a Christmas without watching this.  Today was even with most of my extended family, amidst yelling around the room at each other.  Chevy Chase reprises his role of Clark W. Griswold, with Beverly D'Angelo as his wife, and Johnny Galecki and Juliette Lewis are their children, Russ and Audrey.  They all have to partake in the Griswold Family Christmas - with grandparents and great aunt and uncle too.  No one is happy, but it's a right of passage.  Clark decorates the house with lights (eventually) and they go chop down a Christmas tree, torture the neighbors with their tackiness, and provide a wonderful observable holiday for the rest of us to live up to, and surpass.  Of course Cousin Eddy (Randy Quaid) arrives with his family in their RV (recreational vehicle for the uninitiated) causing havoc and making people a little crazier, including kidnapping Clark's boss on Christmas Eve, causing the police to get involved.  The tree burns down, the dog throws up under the table, the turkey is overcooked, but it's the "hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."  

My family quotes this movie continuously.  I knew I'd found a soulmate in college when a girl I'd be spending the summer with after barely knowing said she'd buy me something "ree-al nice" in Cousin Eddy's voice. One Christmas my grandparents were snowed in for the night and we put this on and I'd never seen my grandfather laugh so hard.   It's a movie that you either love, or you've never seen.  So I recommend you  go see it as soon as possible.   Also, thank you to everyone who has participated in our 25 Days of Christmas with comments and sharing your own choices.  Please listen to our Christmas special podcast that comes out tomorrow! 

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: Love Actually

When splitting up our Naughty and Nice lists, Love Actually easily came down on the nice side for me. Sure the film has loads of nudity and "fuck" is said as much as "Christmas," but though it's not one for the whole family to enjoy, I still walk away feeling like I've had a nice 2+ hour hug from an old friend. (Though if any of my friends actually hugged me for two hours, I'd feel extremely creeped out.)

This year, my annual viewing of the film was much needed. Though I haven't suffered any tragedy in my personal life and am very blessed, it's easy to look around at the tragedies of the year and wonder what the hell is wrong with the world. Waking up to the news of Aurora on July 20th terrified me to my core, because as a die hard movie fan, the theater is one place I have always felt safe. Alas that was a drop in the bucket as to how I felt just over a week ago when the news of Newtown broke around lunch time, a tragedy I have not and simply cannot bring myself to talk about as the mother of a young child, with another due in the coming months.

So Hugh Grant's opening monologue tonight was probably the best therapy. After the terrorist attacks of 9/11, it certainly seemed everything was falling apart, because it's so easy to focus on what's wrong with the world instead of celebrating what we have. If you have love in your life, any kind of love, then frankly, you're doing alright. And that's the best part of Love Actually. It's not just about guy meets girl and they live happily ever after, because it's not afraid to show many types of love, between parents and children, best friends and unrequited along with the sappy romances.

And now that I've had my annual 2+ hour hug from my naked, foul-mouth friend, I remember that the world isn't all that hopeless or helpless.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (+MST3K)

Now I must confess, I had never seen a Mystery Science Theater 3000 take on a movie.  But thankfully I've fixed that oversight.  Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was the perfect opportunity as it regularly appears in lists of the worst movies ever made.  The 1964 science-fiction film with terrible acting, really, really terrible effects, and a story that's filled with details that are ridiculous.  This provides our MST3K people with tons of opportunity to mock the movie.  Rachel actually reviewed this episode 4 years ago when she was doing a regular feature on MST3K episode.  Here's her summary:

The children on Mars all act like they're on a bottle of Valium, so a plan is hatched by a concerned Mars father to go down to Earth and kidnap Santa Claus, so he will bring his infectious laugh to Mars and cheer up the Martian children with materialistic toys. In the process, two human children are kidnapped too, and try to help Santa in anyway possible.  

I'm kind of surprised how much I liked listening to them mock the movie.  The pop culture references, though dated, were really funny.  I was pretty surprised of how many nerdy references there were - from a "Tardis" reference to "Jungian" philosophy to NPR's Science Friday's Ira Flato. The breaks they took were hysterical - A Patrick Swayze Christmas by Crow.  One of the minions was named 'Argo' which cracked me up. It definitely did begin to drag with slower comments between the Bots toward the middle.  And sadly, the movie itself can't maintain the accidental humor very well.  It was still a terrific experience.  

"Wow, their ship is run by a Simon game" - most of you will be too young to get this reference.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Nothing says Christmas like murder, mystery and extreme meta comedy. If you don't fall for Kiss Kiss Bang Bang's wit and charm within the first five minutes (and that's pushing it), chances are you are not my favorite person. (Actually my favorite person is not yet allowed to watch KKBB, but she will someday and she better love it!)

This neo-noir tale begins just before Christmas as petty thief Harry Lockhart (Robert Downey, Jr.) is browsing the shelves of a closed toy store, looking for the perfect gift for his nephew (or niece, I couldn't tell by the voice on the phone) for Christmas. The alarm is tripped and he and his partner make a run for it, but the partner is killed and Harry ends up mistakenly auditioning for a film role while hiding from the police. After wowing the casting director, Harry flies out to Hollywood to take "film detective" lessons from Gay Perry (Val Kilmer), but the two get tangled up in an investigation of two separate murders: one, the daughter of a Hollywood big shot (Corbin Bernsen), the other the younger sister of Harry's high school sweetheart, Harmony (Michelle Monaghan).

It's RDJ and Kilmer's chemistry of spouting off writer/director Shane Black's insanely snarky dialogue that makes this film an absolute gem. On paper this probably seemed quite the disaster, as RDJ was still trying to make a comeback after prison and Kilmer hadn't made a decent film in years (and hasn't since), with a relatively unknown or forgotten supporting cast. But for a Christmas miracle to happen, you have to have faith and Black must have been a true believer, because the film just works, in every clever and silly way imaginable.

With Christmas barely a presence, except for Harmony's skimpy Santa outfit for the middle act, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang works as an any-time-of-the-year film, especially as an any-time-you-want-to-laugh-your-ass-off film. See it, because not enough people have.

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: The Holiday

I was supposed to watch Jingle All the Way with Ahnold and DeVito, but I couldn't take it.  So I rewatched a holiday movie I love.  The Holiday is definitely a romantic comedy, but falls more in the realm of the classics than some of today's dreck.  Iris (Kate Winslet) is in love with a guy (Rufus Sewell) at work in London who has gotten engaged at the office holiday party.  She decides she must get away for the holidays and at the same time Amanda (Cameron Diaz) is breaking up with her boyfriend (Ed Burns) in LA and wants the same thing.  They meet online and agree to trade houses for Christmas.  Iris embraces the change - warm weather, huge anonymous house, and an older neighbor who used to write movies for the studio system.  Amanda can't figure out how to relax - it's the personality that wants to sit still and read books and watch movies, but feels unproductive the entire time and wants to go back to work.  Just as she's about to pack up and leave London, she meets Graham (Jude Law in his least annoying role), Iris' brother.  They hit it off, and start getting to know each other - but both definitely have baggage.  Iris meets one of Amanda's neighbors, Arthur (Eli Wallach) and starts watching movies to get some gumption back.  She also meets a friend of Amanda's, Miles (Jack Black), a composer who is dating the wrong girl.  They become friends and celebrate Hannukah with Arthur.  Both women's lives are back on track - but with a little more self-esteem and gumption.

There isn't a lot that's challenging or sad about this movie, but the stories aren't so predictable that you'll get bored.  There is more that's real about each character than most rom-coms bother with.  The biggest thing that doesn't actually work is that people from intensely different walks of life really think they can make a go of their relationship (Kate Winslet is so much hotter than Jack Black, Cameron Diaz is SOO much richer than any of the others).  But mostly, you can just ignore that fact and enjoy the holiday fluttering of wanting to make your life a better place and finding someone better to share it with.  I really like Kate Winslet's storyline the best, her relationship with Eli Wallach is awesome.   Harmless fun, but heartwarming at its best.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Gremlins

Children of the 80's: this one's for you. Raise your hand if you didn't want a Mogwai. Now walk away quickly because this isn't for you.

Christmas holds many meanings for different people. One of the big ones for me, now that I have kids, is reminding me of the childlike wonder this holiday brings. And Gremlins holds a similar nostalgia. The film may not revel in the spirit of Christmas, but the holiday is certainly all around when Billy (Zach Galligan) receives the adorable Gizmo, a Mogwai, for Christmas from his eccentric inventor father (Hoyt Axton). And as pop culture would tell us there are three simple rules to owning a Mogwai: do not expose it to bright light, do not get it wet and never feed it after midnight. Of course Billy manages to break the latter two, thanks to his clumsy neighbor Corey Feldman, and soon a whole slew of vicious green monsters destroy the sleepy town of Kingston Falls during the happiest time of year.

Gremlins is just pure fun. As a clean horror comedy, it can easily appeal to viewers of all ages, though seeing it for the first time as an adult could be risky nearly 30 years after its release. I remember being genuinely freaked out by the film as a kid, but now as an adult I can laugh at my prior fear and enjoy it for entertainment value.

Of course it doesn't take much to uncover the film's many writing issue, as writer Chris Columbus knows how to appeal to kids, but not logical beings. If you can't feed a Mogwai after midnight, how do you take into account different time zones, especially when traveling? And at what time does that stop being an issue? Sunrise? And how does one work around Daylight Savings?

But it didn't really matter when I saw it as a kid and it doesn't matter now, because Gremlins defies logic for true family fun. And I dare you to find a cuter cinematic creature than Gizmo.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Bad Santa

This is one of the few on our list that I knew almost nothing about.  Bad Santa is hardly the name for this - awful, painful, really bad, hardly worth it Santa is more like it.  Billy Bob Thorton (I know, I should never have agreed to this) stars as a guy, Willie, who plays a mall Santa every Christmas in a different city.  He's a drunk, nasty man who would scare any parent at Christmas.  His partner-in-crime (literally) is Marcus (Tony Cox) who plays his elf, which means they always land the gig.  However, what they really do is scope out the mall/department store for a month, and figure out how to rob it on Christmas eve, skip town and live on the loot.  They've done this 6 times.  Then they get to Phoenix and John Ritter (RIP and I miss him) hires them to be the mall Santa.  However, Willie is at his WORST - he's dirty, drunk, sexing it up in the large ladies section, and swearing in front of the kids.  So Ritter goes to his head of security, Bernie Mac who eventually figures out the scam that's going on and wants in.  Marcus is sick of things falling apart and kills Bernie Mac, and during the final heist almost kills Willie.  However, during their time in Phoenix, a little boy just called The Kid, a pudgy, lonely, nerdy guy (Brett Kelly) comes to meet Santa.  Well, Willie drives him home one night and finds out The Kid lives alone with his crazy grandmother in a mansion.  So Willie moves in, with his new girlfriend Sue (Lauren Graham) and lives there for a while keeping up the facade that he is Santa and she's Mrs. Claus' sister and they got kicked out of the North Pole.  The Kid kind of tames Willie and helps The Kid stand up for himself (he's really not very likeable) and they ultimately come to like each other and help one another.

This movie is terrible.  I can't believe it makes it on Christmas lists so frequently.  If they had called it anything   else besides Bad Santa, it would have been forgotten, and thrown on the dung heap where it belongs.  I'm actually pretty shocked that anything that has to do with Christmas could really be THIS bad.  It's painful and I hate Billy Bob.  I only put it on my list because I hadn't seen it before and wondered why.  Now I know.  Do not bother with this movie.

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: Arthur Christmas

Wanna know how Santa does it all in one night? Well according to this new twist on the legend, he has a flying spacecraft run with military precision and a gaggle of ninja elves to do all the dirty work of actually making and delivering the presents. Not as magical as we all hoped, eh?

In Arthur Christmas, the role of Santa Claus is handed down through the generations, like an heir to the throne. The current Santa (Jim Broadbent) is on his 70th "mission," with eldest son, Steve (Hugh Laurie), hot on his heels to take the title. Unfortunately, Steve is more interested in the prestige of being the Big Guy in Red, instead of actually fulfilling the wishes of the kids around the world, which becomes painfully evident when Steve's high tech system fails by forgetting one little girl's bicycle. Steve is dead set against taking S-1 back out for one measly bicycle, but his younger awkward brother, Arthur (James McAvoy), firmly believes no child should be forgotten, and takes off with Grandsanta (Billy Nighy) in his old fashioned, reindeer-pulled sleigh to deliver the bike before the sun comes up on Christmas morning.

Arthur Christmas has a clever idea behind it, bringing Santa into the modern day, but losing the spirit of the holiday in the process. This clever idea though couldn't sustain much humor. So it's neither witty enough for adults nor silly enough for kids. And as Arthur, Grandsanta and a stowaway elf named Bryony travel the world to deliver the forgotten gift, they get into scene after scene of mischief, which ends up dragging the film out into a long 100 minute runtime, putting a blemish on the entertaining initial set up.

So in the end, Arthur Christmas started as a new take on an old tale, but failed to become a modern holiday classic.

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: White Christmas

This is the second oldest movie on the list we're doing (after Miracle on 34th Street). And since we love movie pop culture, I know you won't judge me for my reason for picking it. I wanted to see the movie that Chevy Chase is talking about here:

"We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. " - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Thankfully, I wasn't disappointed either. It starts off with Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby) performing for the troops on Christmas Eve 1944. At the end of the show, their commanding Major General Waverly (Dean Jagger) announces he is being sent back to the States. The guys will really miss him, and sing him off. When the barracks are attacked, a would-be entertainer Phil Davis (Danny Kaye) saves Bob's life, getting injured in the process. Back in the States, Phil convinces Bob that they should team up and perform together. They actually become really successful, producing their own show on Broadway. One night they get a letter from an old Army buddy asking them to audition his sisters. They go and see the two sisters, Betty (Rosemary Clooney) and Judy (Vera-Ellen) perform. They like the girls, but they're booked to perform at the Columbia Inn, in Pine Tree, Vt for the holidays. The guys follow the girls to the Inn, planning for a vacation and keep seeing the girls. They find out their former Major General owns the Inn. However, there's no snow, so the Inn is pretty much empty and in danger of collapsing. Bob and Phil stick around thinking they might find a way to help.

Bob and Betty really hit it off, but Betty is reluctant to break up her act with her sister to work with him. Judy finds out about this - and convinces Phil that if they become engaged, it'll make Betty feel free to see Bob and build her career, but of course it backfires a bit. Eventually Bob saves the day by making a plea on TV during a Christmas performance on a variety show to get people to come to the Inn for Christmas. Of course lots of people show up and they put on a huge Christmas show ("I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas") and of course it starts to snow.

This is a really classic movie of the 1950s - a meet-cute, women with gumption who can take care of themselves, a connection to the war, and a big number that saves the day. There were a lot of songs I recognized (some from SNL skits of the Lawrence Welk show), and a fair number of Christmas songs. They don't rely on the "it's Christmas so be happy" , but more on the use of Christmas to bring people together for a show. The singing and dancing is terrific (and there is a lot of it), and I really enjoyed it.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Go

Sex, drugs and...more sex and drugs. Go is another one of those naughty Christmas films that has very little to do with Christmas, except that it just happens to be a night of complete debauchery set on the holiday's eve.

It starts with Ronna (Sarah Polley) covering Simon's (Desmond Askew) shift at the local grocery store, in order to make extra cash to avoid eviction the next day, on Christmas. T.V. actors Zack (Jay Mohr) and Adam (Scott Wolf) approach her about buying some ecstasy, something they normally get from Simon, so they can have fun at a big Christmas rave. Deciding that selling may be the way to make a quick buck, Ronna agrees, but must go to infamous drug dealer Todd Gains (Timothy Olyphant) for the supply, leaving her bestie Claire (Katie Holmes) as collateral. Meanwhile, Simon parties it up in Vegas with his mates, while Zack and Adam have an ulterior motive for buying drugs from Ronna.

Go is a fun, though at times harsh, look at what a group of wayward teens/20-somethings do for the holidays...which probably isn't very different from what they do for the other 364 days of the year. It's funny, sexy, and stylish, while using the overlapping story telling to create a slight air of mystery. It's one to spin for the holidays when you're feeling particularly naughty.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Lethal Weapon

I think this is the best of the buddy cop movies, and launched a pretty successful (and not terrible) franchise. It's actually still possible to watch Mel Gibson as Martin Riggs, a suicidal, badass, take-no-prisoners police officer who has been assigned to "too old for this shit" Murtaugh (Danny Glover) without thinking only of the mess Gibson has made of his public life.  The whole thing takes place just before Christmas, ending with Riggs and Murtaugh sharing a Christmas dinner, with a hole in the living room.  The movie starts with Murtaugh's birthday morning and his loving family wishing him well.  He goes to work to find he's been assigned to a new partner, Riggs, who has shot a sniper and jumped off a building with someone all before getting to work.  They don't mix too well, but when a Vietnam buddy of Murtaugh's calls for help investigating his daughter's death, they find something to bond over.  They get tortured, and have to rescue Murtaugh's daughter, and thankfully kill Gary Busey.

There's a reason they made 4 of these movies - stupid stories aside, their chemistry is amazing.  Danny Glover is the perfect straight man who thinks he's funny and Mel Gibson's wise cracking one-liners and crazy eyes that make the whole thing work.  And I think Gibson perfected the crazy eyes running scenes that Tom Cruise took on for today.  They did have to add more to the cast as the franchise grew (Joe Pesci and Rene Russo), but this first installment is a pretty good celebration for Christmas.  They use the music well, contrasting with Riggs' insanity, the Christmas music balances that.  If you haven't seen any of this series, I would definitely take a look, but I must say it doesn't really have the Christmas feel.

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

My biggest Christmas blindspot (since marking It's a Wonderful Life off the list last year), is without a doubt Miracle on 34th Street. I've been so much in the dark about it, that the only inkling I had of the plot was "Santa gets put on trial." Thankfully there's more to the story than just that, because Christmas and courtroom dramas don't mix.

I was immediately drawn to the story of single mom Doris (Maureen O'Hara) and her determination to stifle her young daughter, Susan's (Natalie Wood), belief in any fairytale, including and especially Santa Claus. But when Doris hires kindly, old Kris Kringle (Edmund Gwenn) to be the new Santa at Macy's, she fights even harder against the myth as her new employee brings a fresh sense of holiday spirit to everyone, since he really thinks he's Santa.

This aspect of the film caught my attention immediately. As I've stated, I'm not dead set against our children believing in Santa, but I'm not pushing the idea. I want them to make up their own minds, and if they ask questions, I'll be as honest as I can without having the one kid that ruins it for all her classmates. Doris on the other hand, is a bitter divorcée that doesn't want her daughter believing in anything remotely happy because she's convinced life has other plans, like it did for her. At least I'm not that bad.

Unfortunately, I wasn't thrilled when the film made it to the courtroom, as a hearing ensues to determine if Kris is crazy or actually Santa Claus. It is eventually cleverly resolved, but taking up a third of the film to run through various legal issues was tedious, to the point I fell asleep and finished the movie the next day. It just became dull until the sacks of letters arrived.

So in the end, Miracle on 34th Street is a pleasant enough Christmas film overall, and I'm glad I eventually watched it, but I don't feel like I've been missing out all these years by skipping this classic.

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: Scrooged

This film rides the line between Naughty and Nice.  It's definitely a solid Christmas film - based very closely on A Christmas Carol, but there's booze, swearing, and less than nice characters.  So if you disagree with the inclusion on the nice list, take it up with Rachel.  I saw this movie for the FIRST time just a few weeks ago (it's what inspired our 25 days of Christmas Blog-a-thon) for our Bill Murray episode of the Reel Insight podcast.  Yes, I had avoided seeing it for more than 20 years.  But man was I glad I rectified that mistake.

Murray plays Frank Cross, a TV executive that doesn't give a crap about Christmas except for the ratings.  His station is planning a live adaptation of A Christmas Carol, but the ad he creates for it ultimately kills and older woman because it's so violent and scary.  He's basically messed up when it comes to the holidays.  He gives towels as gifts (last year was bathmats) and doesn't see why people should decorate or celebrate.  His long-suffering assistant, Grace (Alfre Woodard) is the Bob Cratchit of the story, with her own Tiny Tim, Calvin, who hasn't spoken since his father died.
Cross is visited by the 3 ghosts over the course of the night before the live show, after first being visited by his old mentor and boss who died but didn't have a happy, family-oriented Christmas loving life.  The ghost of Christmas past was my favorite - a cab driver who smokes cigars (David Johanson) and shows him coming up in the business with his girlfriend Claire (Karen Allen).  He's kind of an ass, but really did have a shitty time working his way up.  Eventually they part ways, and Carol Kane shows up as the Ghost of Christmas present.  She's awesome - easily the craziest part of the movie - she beats the crap out of Cross constantly.  She shows him his brother's house (where Grace sent a VCR instead of a towel for Christmas - the things that date this movie make it more awesome) and Grace's home.  Of course, finally, the non-human ghost of Christmas future appears and shows him a what an unremembered scumbag he'll become and how awful the lives of people around him will be if he doesn't straighten up.

He wakes up in his office just as the live broadcast is starting, and he goes to interrupt it to tell the world about his transformation.  I WISH they did that kind of live TV today. He sums up his transformation pretty well, "I was a schmuck, and now I'm not a schmuck!"  He gets back together with Karen Allen, Calvin speaks (which made me tear up as stupid as it is), and all is well. 
My only issue with the movie is the side story of an employee he fires on Christmas Eve, Bobcat Goldthwait, who we see go crazy, and arrive back at the studio to kill Cross later.  It's dumb and doesn't add much to the story, except to show Cross's transformation when he gives him back his job.  Still a great version of A Christmas Carol.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Reindeer Games

Before Ben Affleck became a beloved director, he just acted in some movies...mostly really bad movies. But just because they were bad, doesn't necessarily mean they weren't fun. Enter Reindeer Games, a crime-action-drama with loads of unintentional comedy set on Christmas Eve.

The ridiculous premise centers on Rudy (Affleck) who has big plans to spend Christmas with his family upon his release after several years in prison for stealing cars. His cellmate Nick (James Frain) has plans to finally hook up with his pen pal Ashley (Charlize Theron) after writing each other for six months, but the day before release Nick is killed in a inmate brawl. The day of release, Rudy decides to pretend to be Nick, believing Ashley to never be the wiser since she's never seen a picture of Nick. But her brother Gabriel (Gary Sinise) has other plans that involve using Fake Nick to rob a casino on Christmas Eve at which the Real Nick once worked security. And as if the surface plot wasn't convoluted enough, the film takes it a step further with multiple twists and turns.

Yes, Reindeer Games is bad and for a Christmas action film, it pales in comparison to the likes of Die Hard, to the point of transparency. Affleck is smarmy enough you want to punch him in his giant head. (Seriously, could his head be any bigger? The multitude of close-ups didn't help.) Theron tries for sweet, sexy and dangerous, but never really pulls off any of those. (When I first saw this, I thought she was a cheap knock off of Ashley Judd. Oh how the times have changed.) And Sinise is just...gross.

But after a few vats of eggnog, or just straight up rum, the juvenile dialogue, hammy acting and ludicrous plot all come together for a naughty fun time.

I still dig it anyway.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: The Long Kiss Goodnight

I was really excited to add this to my list when Rachel suggested it.  I'd never seen it, but knew it was Samuel L. Jackson and Geena Davis and they have guns on the cover of the DVD.  I was really impressed with how shlocky and awesome the one-liners really were.  Yes, there will be spoilers if you haven't seen this movie.
Charlie (Geena Davis): "Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?"
Mitch (Samuel L. Jackson): "I look lessons"

Overall story: Samantha Caine (Davis) has been a sweet, happy teacher for the past 8 years.  She has a daughter and gets engaged at the Christmas party.  But has no memory of what happened more than 8 years ago.  Then she's on TV during a Christmas parade and a guy in prison sees it and comes after her.  She fends him off using newfound battle skills and afterward decides that she and her private investigator Mitch (Samuel L. Jackson) have to go find out more about her identity (like why this guy would kill her).  It turns out she's really a blond, CIA assassin - which she eventually figures out and has to complete her final mission - except now she has a daughter to protect too.  By all rights this movie should be terrible - the writing is not good, but the bad writing helps make the story funnier, and the over the top acting by Davis is matched perfectly by Jackson's perfect timing.  Davis makes it clear she's getting her memory back by acting badass and mean, and her new identity as nice and not swearing.  The transformation is perfect.  Can't wait to watch this again and use more bad lines.

Random CIA Agent: "Hey, honey, this is a real big fucking gun." 
Mitch (Jackson): "This ain't no ham on rye pal." Charlie (Davis):" What the hell are you doing?" Mitch (Jackson) "Saving your life. I would have been here sooner, but I was thinkin' up that 'ham on rye' line."

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: A Christmas Story

I confess, I did not watch A Christmas Story in its entirety until two or three years ago. Yes, I know TBS runs it for 24 hour marathons on Christmas Eve, but I had managed to avoid it for decades. Of course, I was accustomed to all the pop culture references: the leg lamp, the bunny suit, the tongue stuck on the pole, "You'll shoot your eye out." And perhaps all of this nostalgia and pop culture is why I'm not overly sentimental toward the film.

Don't get me wrong: A Christmas Story is perfectly charming in its own right (despite the painful racism of the final scene). It hits the nail on the head when it comes to that long ago feeling of wanting something so desperately for Christmas, it's all you could dream, think, talk or write about. But having not seen the film when I had that feeling as a child, I make no special connection with it.

There are funny moments to the film that make me chuckle, but I believe that society's severe over-attachment to this modern classic has perhaps diluted its potency as a film. A Christmas Story no longer feels like a cohesive story in its own right, but more a collection of silly moments torn from the source material to sell a bunch novelty items this time of year. Many moments of the film seem quite superfluous to the central plot. Why the broken furnace? Why the bully? Why the Little Orphan Annie decoder pin? At a mere 94 minute, all these extra scenes, that have not made quite the splash in pop culture, have come to feel like cheap padding. If it were just a story about being a kid, I'd understand but it's so specific to the holiday season, that these moments don't seem to really fit into the overall celebration of Christmas.

Is it a strong enough film to warrant being played 24 straight hours on Christmas Eve or have a Hallmark ornament dedicated to the Leg Lamp every single year? In my humble opinion, no. Then again, with my coming into the film so late in life, I'm more the outsider looking in, the kid with my nose pressed against the toy store glass, wondering what the big deal about that damn BB gun is anyway.

25 Days of Christmas - The Nice List: The Santa Clause Trilogy

I'm probably alone on this, but I adore these movies.  They're probably the only Christmas-themed pop culture I will watch out of season.  In no way does this mean I think they're good movies on an empirical scale, but that I really dig them.  I think it has something to do with its idea of drawing back a curtain on a myth to prove that the myth could totally be true (with some magic of course).

The first one is where most of the magic and all of the set up of this "behind the curtain" aspect gets set up.  Scott Calvin (Tim Allen in his heyday) is a crappy divorced dad who has his young son, Charlie (Eric Lloyd),  for Christmas Eve.  Charlie still believes in Santa, and gets confused by small things in "The Night before Christmas" (he thinks it's the Arose suchak ladder, instead of Arose such a clatter).  That night Charlie wakes up when Santa and the reindeer land on the roof.  Scott goes out to see what happened and scares Santa who falls off the roof, and disappears leaving his suit on the ground.  There is a business card in the pocket that reads, "Put on the suit, the reindeer will know what to do".  So as not to scar Charlie by killing Santa, he does and ends up delivering presents - in his boxers and Santa's jacket.   The magic just sort of rolls off him (the empty sack refilling itself at a new house, the fireplace appearing so he can come out of it) and he and Charlie arrive at the North Pole and meet Bernard (David Krumholtz) the head Elf.  Bernard's the one who points out that Scott Calvin has fallen victim to "The Santa Clause" - by putting on the suit you give up your right to any previous identity and become Santa Claus.  Calvin is pretty skeptical, and when he wakes up the next morning, he's sure it was all a dream.  However, Charlie believes - and because he tells his mom (Wendy Crewson) and step-dad (Judge Reinhold), they eventually take away Scott's parental rights.  That's almost the least of Scott's problems as his hair turns white almost over night, his beard grows really fast and he puts on 40 pounds in a week (the Santafication process isn't pretty).  Scott Calvin fights the whole process (dying his hair, etc.) but can't stop it when "The List" arrives and he actually knows who's been naughty and who's been nice.

The movie is filled with quick explanations for how the myth of Santa could actually happen, and why adults don't believe.  I've probably seen this a few dozen times and usually child actors are what make it impossible to rewatch humorous adults.  While there are some odd elves that I find annoying, mostly Charlie runs the show, and he's perfectly whiny, but innocent and full of faith, both in his father and in the magic of Christmas.

The second movie, subtitled, The Mrs. Clause sees Scott Calvin having to find a wife of eliminate the magic of Christmas.  He returns to the real world with 28 days to go - but so as not to worry the elves, he leaves a toy version of himself in charge.  Back in Charlie's house, mom and step-dad have created a half-sister, Lucy (Liliana Mumy).  Scott has gotten pretty good at being Santa.  He's taken his place on the council of legendary figures (Mother Earth, Father Time, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman, Cupid, and Jack Frost), and is pretty magical himself now.  He falls for Charlie's Christmas-hating principal, Carol Newman (Elizabeth Mitchell), using a little magic to help her remember the magic of Christmas.  Some shenanigans ensue when the toy Santa decides that all children are bad and makes the elves give everyone coal.  Luckily Santa, and the future Mrs. Claus make it home in time to save Christmas.

The 3rd installment goes pretty far off the rails by attempting to do a "It's Wonderful Life" montage by making Scott Calvin realize what might have happened if he hadn't become Santa, but instead Jack Frost (a way too over the top Martin Short) has commercialized it instead.   Of course things are much worse and Scott has to use his family and friends to save the day again.  And this time Mrs. Claus is giving birth, and we meet her parents too - Ann Margaret and Alan Arkin, neither of whom know that Scott is Santa or that they live at the north pole.  The subterfuge they use to fool them is pretty funny, but seeing Frost's version of Christmas is too much.  Still a fun use of the franchise though.  One of the best things about the entire trilogy is that they don't replace any of the actors (David Krumholtz doesn't appear in the final movie, but he's the only major player who doesn't) and do add some when necessary to build the story.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Black Christmas (1974)

SPOILERS

I have to admit, I was initially excited about watching a Christmas slasher film. What's not to love about a killer ridding the world of sorority girls just before Christmas break? Plenty, as it turns out.

The film introduces four sorority sisters right away: normal Jess (Olivia Hussey), foul-mouthed drinking Barb (Margot Kidder), epically 70's fro-ed Phyl (Andrea Martin) and innocent virgin Clare (Lynne Griffin). The house has been receiving creepy calls from the "Moaner," but in the opening scene the caller begins making murderous threats along with crude sexual suggestions. After ballsy Barb taunts him and hangs up, sweet Clare, upset with Barb's behavior, goes upstairs to pack...and becomes the first victim.

The next day Clare's father (James Edmond) comes to pick her up, but she's dead in the sorority house attic. Everyone goes about their business, kind of ignoring his pleas to help find his missing daughter, until a 13-year-old girl also goes missing in town. This is officially where the film lost me. The addition of this side plot was pointless and time consuming. By the end, it was never revealed that the killer had anything to do with this girl's death. It somehow led everyone to be more cautious once they found the girl's body, but it still made no sense.

On top of everything else going on, Jess tells her boyfriend Peter (Keir Dullea) that she's pregnant and wants to have an abortion, which greatly upsets Peter, to the point where he becomes abusive towards her and the cops begin to suspect he's the killer.

Eventually the body count rises, including the house mother Mrs. Mac (Marian Waldman), Barb and Phyl, until only Jess is left alone in the house. The cops tap the house phone to trace the killer's calls, which of course are coming from inside the house. Sadly, it took three phones calls before they could do this, all the while we had to watch the nerdy tech guy try to trace the calls the old fashion way, which I did not understand what he was doing. It too was tedious and time-consuming.

Peter shows up, and after his previous behavior earlier in the day plus some things repeated by the killer on the phone, Jess is convinced Peter must be the killer and she bludgeons him to death with a fire poker, right as the police barge in. However, as the film ends and Jess is resting in her room, the police escort Clare's father to a hospital, who's still distraught that his daughter has not been found. The point of view shifts to the attic window, where the killer is still hiding with Clare and Mrs. Mac's bodies. The house phone once again rings as the credits roll and Jess' fate is left ambiguous.

There were a number of things to genuinely like about Black Christmas. I was amused that the assumed virgin was the first victim while the pregnant-out-of-wedlock character ended up being the Final Girl. It was a nice twist to what has since become the norm, though Black Christmas was released before the big slasher era of the late 70s and early 80s, before there were really any "rules" to follow. Many of the supporting cast were a joy to watch, such as Barb and Mrs. Mac, and their absence from the screen was felt.

Best of all was the ambiguity of the killer. We never see his face. We never know what he was after or why he felt the need to kill a house full of women. Many of his phone calls referred to "Billy" and some sort of previous childhood trauma, but none of it came as a big reveal at the end. And for that reason the creep factor jumped up a few points.

Unfortunately the film took too much time attempting character development for the rather dull Jess. Hussey's performance was fine, but her character was lifeless. I'd much rather see badass Barb go up against the killer in the end. With all that "fleshing out" of Jess came a runtime of 100 minutes that felt twice as long, with the obnoxious side plot of the missing little girl. It's not often that adding layers to a character is frowned upon, but when it's simply a slasher film and the character is already dull, there's no need to make the audience suffer her even longer than they have to.

As for the Christmas element, it was virtually pointless. I can imagine the writer rubbing his hands together and laughing maniacally about setting a slasher story during Christmas time, but this could have worked at any point during the year. The holiday only adds the element of confusion and chaos when the murders begin, but that could be manufactured around any season.

To end on a positive note, here is a random list of my favorite things from the film that had no bearing on the plot but made me laugh:

1. First lines of the film, from Barb: "Who left goddamn door open?" Ummm...Merry Christmas?
2. Jess' Manos: the Hands of Fate sweater in the opening scene.
3. Jewish Santa cursing in front the kids when he finds out his girlfriend, Phyl won't be spending the break with him;
4. A poster of some old lady giving the finger in Clare's room;
5. The house mother's hiding places for her booze: shoe box, books, toilet tank;
6. Barb's death by stabbing with a unicorn figurine;
7. And the fact that director Bob Clark would go on to direct the family-friendly A Christmas Story less than a decade later.

25 Days of Christmas - The Naughty List: Die Hard/Die Harder

These movies, particularly the first one, are the quintessential "naughty" Christmas movies.  Bruce Willis as a NYPD cop coming to see his estranged wife, Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) who has gotten a good job working in the Nakatomi building.  However, at their Christmas party, Hans Gruber (the indomitable Alan Rickman) takes them all hostage and starts to figure out how to gain access to a whole bunch of money (bonds of some sort).  Just as the shit hits the fan (pardon my language, I've been watching a lot of Die Hard), John McClane (Willis) arrives by limo to see his wife.  Thanks to his cop skills, he gets away and starts to plan how to take them down and save his wife.  He shoots guns, swings out windows, jumps off roofs, walks through glass and bleeds for ages.  He has a partner on the outside in Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald VelJohnson), a LAPD officer who actually believes something is going on (even when the FBI get in on the game).  McClane is particularly badass throughout the film, pissing off the terrorists and almost get himself killed a bunch of times.

Rewatching this recently, the fact I was most shocked by was when they paused on a gas station and the price of gas was 74 cents/gallon.  Took me several minutes to gather myself after that.  And of course, Alan Rickman's performance as the ultimate bad guy.  The voice, the attitude, the lines - perfect!

I'm among those who will be strung up for liking the sequel even more than the original.  The self-referential humor kills me ("How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice").  I think the second movie attempts to be funnier, knowing that it can't actually live up to the action and thrilling aspect of the first one.  Die Hard 2 (often called Die Harder) takes place at Dulles International Airport where John McClane has arrive to pick up his wife flying in for Christmas from LA.  Just as he arrives, a former US Colonel has taken over the tower on a snowy night and now controls all the air traffic - more hostages = sequel.  He's trying to free a arriving dictator and is keeping them on their toes.  Both movies could take place almost any time, but the fact that they're both at Christmas gives it a sense of urgency and a design that is red, green and snowy (or however they fake it in LA).  It's also used to explain why no one else is in the Nakatomi building when Hans takes over.